Saturday, February 6, 2010

The LG Report Profile: Geo

Once again, The LG Report apologizes for the delay in posting the much-anticipated profile of blog cult hero GEO.

You're not interested in excuses (Snowmageddon, Snowpocalypse, etc.), we know, you just want your Geo fix. Understandable.  Without further adieu....

In the early 1990s, I worked in Boston with my friend Joe.  He's about 6' 3" and beefy, with a rather square build, including his head.  One day in late October, Joe came into my office and announced that he'd chosen his Halloween costume for that year. 

"Frankenstein," he declared.  "I've got plastic bolts that I'm going to affix to my neck with suction cups.  I figured why fight it?" 

I laughed.  But if you scratch beneath the surface, there's a lot of wisdom in the phrase "Why fight it?" 

That's my attitude when it comes to Geo and this blog.  After repeated mentions, Geo has garnered at least one groupie (Lisa, stand up and take a bow!) and has probably aroused the interest of others (not his wife, though.)  So I've decided to give in and dedicate this entire posting to Geo. 

Why fight it?

Let's start out by putting Geo's best foot forward.  This is what he considers to be one of his most flattering photos:

It was taken about ten years ago in Florida, during an all-guys tennis weekend.  That's a Diet Pepsi in his hand and a t-shirt wrapped around his full head of hair.  As I said, old photo.   

Geo told me that he has libel lawyers on stand-by, so I'll end my commentary on this photo here and just move it along...

Now that you've seen Geo's best photo, let's back up a bit. 

Geo was born in Reading, PA. I don't want to say he's old, but his Social Security number is 000-00-0001.   Here's a look at Reading's general location on a map:

And here's an aerial photo of Reading from 37,000 feet:

Reading is a city that some might call "eccentric" or "different."  The pagoda below is not in Japan, it's on Mt. Penn in Reading (really):

Many years ago, the owner of a coal mining company felt that he had done the people of Reading dirty by mining the land in their area.  Not realizing that they all looked that way before he got there, he decided that he could restore a balanced karma by building this pagoda.

You can't get your ears pierced here, nor order General Chow's Chicken, but they do have a souvenir shop on the fourth floor.  Call for hours.  Actually, you can probably order General Chow's Chicken, you just won't get it.

Geo went to Mt. Penn High School.  I just realized that I don't have his high school graduation photo on this computer, it's at home in NYC.  I'll post it on Tuesday, February 9th.  I sincerely apologize, I realize that his high school photo was what started this whole theme, but I'll give you more than enough Geo photos in this post to hold you over until then.

Geo graduated from Dickinson College and decided to attend law school after reading this book:

Geo was accepted to a number of law schools, some of which were accredited.  Geo decided to pursue his law degree at Boston University.  He was warmly greeted upon his arrival in Boston:

After law school, Geo moved to New York City, practiced law for a while, and then became a legal editor and writer at a small publishing firm. 

He was my first boss out of law school in the late 1980s.  Geo quoted "The Honeymooners" during my interview, so I figured it wouldn't be a bad place to work.  I was wrong, but that wasn't because of Geo.  There was a very high turnover rate, with one guy even quitting before he showed up for his first day.   

Editor's Note/News Flash: Writing a profile of Geo is tedious and boring work.  I thought it would be fun, but I'm putting myself to sleep already.  I think the fear of a libel suit threw a damper on things.  Thus, I'm going to skip the rest of the major details and just go straight to some photos, in no particular order.

This picture shows the aftermath of an epic night out in Greece in 1990.  Geo, Dan, Carl and I were there on vacation.  On the flight over, Geo announced that he didn't like ouzo, a traditional Greek liquor. We, of course, made him drink an entire bottle of ouzo, albeit not full-sized, one night.  We were in a village about five miles from where we were staying.  It was fairly late, and at one point Geo passed out in the gutter, his left arm extending into the roadway.  Being the kind and concerned friends that we were, we folded his arm back across his chest so that it wouldn't get run over (unless the driver was really drunk, like Geo.)

Long story short, Geo and I got separated from Carl and Dan.  There were no taxis running at 4 am.  We tried to steal almost every car in the village -- only for the night of course, we'd return it in the morning -- but to no avail.  We ended up sleeping on top of this pile of rental sunbeds that were chained together on the beach. The owner probably figured that by stacking and chaining them each night, he would protect against vandalism and theft.  But, of course, he'd never encountered crafty Americans like Geo and I; we simply climbed to the top and slept like babies until sunrise.  I think I felt a pea on the third from bottom sunbed, but I didn't want to be a complainer.  I'm not sure exactly what Geo is doing to his face in this photo, but I know it had some significance at the time.  The girls on the left were members of the first generation of Geo groupies, pre-internet.

This is also Geo in Greece.  He looks uncharacteristically serious as he feigns either stealing this motorcycle, or simply being able to mount it, neither of which he could do.  Notice the high, white AARP-issued socks. The neon colored shirt was to warn drivers in case he passed out in a gutter again.

Back in the states, Geo, an only child, demonstrates his inability to share as he tries to stake out his portion of the tennis court.  He had also not showered for a few days, an enduring trait of his, which explains the distance of his fellow players.

Here Geo demonstrates the absolute wrong form for serving a tennis ball. Your leg should not be pointing forward and bent, your arm should not be extending towards your opponent, and, in general, this style makes the ball unhittable.  Nonetheless, Geo manages to get the ball over the net by sheer willpower.  Physicists cannot explain how it works. 

The Walt Disney Corporation now owns the purple shirt that Geo was wearing in this photo.  It's on display in their headquarters.  You'll notice the eerie outline of Mickey Mouse's head in Geo's perspiration.  The garment is now referred to as the "Shroud of Mickey."  Using advanced chemical techniques, scientists have dated it as far back as Geo's birth.  That's old.

Today, Geo is a successful executive in the public relations/communications field, although sometimes he feels that he has the weight of the world on his shoulders and/or ear:

Some around him question Geo's wasteful use of his money.  He's been known to blow it frivolously.  For example, Geo doesn't like to pick his own nose, so he's hired a professional nose picker to follow him around 24/7:

And, finally, we'll leave you with this beefcake photo of Geo, a pleasant memory of this blog cult figure.  Don't forget, his high school yearbook photo will be unveiled on Tuesday, February 9th, but there will be other, non-Geo, posts before then....

1 comment:

  1. I know for a fact, Laz, (and there was digital vid proof of it) that G picks his own nose. Christmas 2010 in Toledo caught on his own Flip camera. There were witnesses.


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