You don't shop at Target, I know. Neither do I.
Only the hoi polloi do. They are easily identifiable by their faux-French pronunciation of "Tar-jay." Yeah, right, nice try. These cretins are trying to put lipstick on a pig. And store-brand lipstick at that.
In a way it's too bad that I don't shop at Target, because I'd really like their "Dollar Spot." It's right there by the front door, from what I hear. You can get some great deals...
Ok, ok, you got me, I shop at Target. You do too, so let's drop the charade. We're all equally guilty here.
But before I get to Target...I want to mention something about the personal communication revolution (e.g., blogs, Facebook, Twitter, etc.) that truly perplexes me.
I can't believe that people really enjoy reading about the minutiae of other's lives, things like "Just landed at Logan Airport. 10 mins late but got our luggage ASAP."
It's crazy, but apparently millions of people are interested in such details.
Given that premise, please allow me to parade some of my minutiae by you. My mundane life happenings are as exciting as the next guy's, I'm sure.
Today I went to my sister's local Jersey Shore Target store to buy a floor lamp and some other non-essentials. I buy a lot of non-essentials and not so many "essentials." My essentials, I think, are other people's "non-essentials," and vice versa, but that's a totally separate post.
This is how the outside of our local Target looks:
The sign is probably pretty familiar to you (there are about 1,700 Targets stores in the U.S.), unless you live in the ONE STATE with no Target stores [That's called a "teaser" to grab your interest so that you'll read more. This is how the "new media" works. A prime example of a teaser would be the internet headline "Celebrity reveals shocking fettish!" which requires you to repeatedly click on circuitous links until you finally get to the story, which is inevitably disappointing. Welcome to the new reality!]
The people depicted in the photo above were not shopping at Target. They told me, after they saw that I had snapped their picture, that they were taking a shortcut to the symphony hall. I didn't know there was one at the Jersey Shore, you learn something new every day. I guess their instruments were in those Target bags they're carrying.
Notice the word "Greatland" under the Target name? What does that mean? It's haunted you, hasn't it? Lost sleep some nights, haven't you? Here's a quick primer. You'll find this information useful one day, like when you're standing in a long line at Target with nothing else to talk about.
First, you have your regular Target Stores. Generally, these are older and smaller Targets that sell all the regular merchandise. The first Target Store opened in Roseville, MN on May 1, 1962. That's right outside the Twin Cities, eh?
The Target "Greatland" Stores are larger, about 150,000 square feet (measure it next time you're in one if you don't believe me -- but make sure you count the bathroom space), and they offer the regular Target merchandise plus some food items. But they don't have a full-on grocery section, so don't get too excited.
There are about 220 SuperTarget Stores. The majority of these are in Texas and Florida, although Minnesota and Colorado have a fair amount too. These babies are larger still, about 175,000 total square feet. They sell the regular Target merchandise plus they boast a full service grocery store with deli, bakery and produce departments. Some SuperTargets also have Starbucks, Pizza Hut, Wells Fargo and other third-party businesses in them.
So now you know some Target Stores trivia. Congrats. You've just earned three credits from LG's Minutiae University, Greatland Campus.
Here's a picture of the inside of our local Target Greatland:
I'd be shocked if this looks different than the inside of your local Target Store. Except maybe the people where you live aren't as good looking. Nothing to be ashamed of.
I found that floor lamp that I was in search of, as well as some other items (this is Tweet worthy, but I couldn't possibly restrict myself to 148 characters). My bill came to $73.09. You have my permission to Tweet that to your friends.
That's it folks, a seemingly-boring-but-nonetheless-useful thumbnail guide to Target Stores. I can almost guarantee that you'll mention at least one of these facts in conversation soon.
Unless, of course, you live in Vermont.