Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Martha Stewart Show - Part II

As promised, today The LG Report was in the studio audience for The Martha Stewart Show's annual all-male audience Super Bowl Show.  Attending with me were Dannie, Geo, Jimmie and Amadeo.  Yes, they went willingly.  

We had the absolute worst seats in the audience, top row, far left.  Here's a picture of the boys in their seats:
If inches of forehead were money, Dannie would be richer than Bill Gates.  They say it's a sign of great intelligence.  Geo is wearing his great grandfather's shirt/sweater combo, which was bought from the wardrobe department of "My Three Sons."  Jimmie could be a hand model for Lancome Press-On Nails.  And Amadeo's expression clearly says "Damn, I think my picture at The Martha Stewart Show is going to be on a blog, I'd better try to contort my face beyond recognition."

Shortly after this photo was taken, Martha called Dannie, Geo, Jimmie and Amadeo down onto the set to participate in a male make-over.  Here's how they looked after the stylists got done with them:

Compare the two pictures: don't they seem happier and more attractive after the makeover?  Martha's stylists really work miracles.

After a 20-minute wait on the sidewalk to get in, we were herded into the audience room, where we waited with about 120 other guys for an hour.  Then it was time to be seated in the studio.  Here's what the audience waiting room looked like:

Technically, audience tickets were only available to men between the ages of 18 and 40, although nobody checked IDs.  It's not clear as to why this age restriction was imposed, given that men of all ages watch the Super Bowl.  The production assistant said that I looked to be under 18 years old, but she let me in anyway. 

All of today show's guests were men (the episode airs on Friday, February 5th; check your local listings.)  Kerry Rhodes of the New York Jets joined Martha in the opening segment to make nachos.  He was personable, funny and did a good job.  Here's Kerry at some fancy-schmancy event:

Luckily for Kerry, he didn't wear that white outfit to make nachos, which, as you know, is a messy endeavor.  Smothered with cheese, peppers, chicken and a lot of other tasty ingredients, the nachos looked delicious. 

Martha commented that she absolutely hates it when not every single nacho is covered with cheese or some other topping.  She says she feels cheated.  I would think that when she remembers that she has a net worth in excess of $1 billion, some of that ire of being cheated by a naked nacho leaves her.

One of the frustrating things about being in the audience is not getting a chance to sample all the scrumptious-looking food.  We all have our crosses to bear.  Kerry is bearing his in this photo as a matter of fact.

Geo inadvertently walked in front of Martha while she was trying to show off a family photo on the set.  She was saying how it was her most treasured picture, and she started to cry before forcing this smile.  Geo was wandering around looking for the men's room and didn't realize that he was in front of Martha and on air:

Geo was immediately handcuffed and whisked away to the Interrogation Room.  Instead of merely waterboarding him, the security guards Perrier-boarded him.  Meanwhile, filming resumed.

Martha answered audience questions after filming was completed, as seen below.  I raised my hand and cooed like Horshak in "Welcome Back Cotter," but to no avail. 

I had what I thought was an excellent question: Did she realize that when divided with different spacing, the name "Martha Stewart" could be "Mart Haste Wart?"  If you were in a hurry to buy a wart, you would go to this store, or mart.  It could be a new product line for her, the Martha Stewart Mart Haste Wart. It would compete with Target and Walmart.  Don't be so quick to dismiss it. 

Seriously, think about it. 

Martha's full name is also an anagram for "Heats Warm Tarts."  It's true, check for yourself.  See, The LG Report provides useful information sometimes after all!

We were the recipients of a very generous parting gift from the show, a $350 (retail, but who really pays retail?) Breville Smart Grille.  It was used in a segment on grilling sandwiches for the big game. 

Because it was chilly today, Dan planned on taking his grill home and sticking his feet in it.  It's a versatile machine.  

I tried to jam Geo's head into mine (to get out the excess water from the Perrier-boarding, of course) but it wouldn't fit.

On the way out, I said to Dannie, "What's your favorite TV program of all time?"  Without hesitation he replied: "I'll show you!"  This is what he did:

Perfectly understandable; "Green Acres" and "F Troop" never gave Dan a Smart Grill to warm his feet in.

Another happy camper was Amadeo.  He was off to make some more calls on multi-billion dollar investment funds for his employer, but not without an essential piece of new hardware on his suit.  He said it would probably impress prospects and help him close a number of new deals:

For our final picture of this posting, I'd ask you to pay special attention to the contrasting emotions here: Dan's joy and Geo's pain.   Allow me to explain.

After the show, the three of us decided to share a cab.  As it pulled up, Geo quickly jumped into the back seat and scooted towards the far end, thinking that he had assured himself of not being stuck in the middle.  Dannie, a cagy veteran New Yorker, ran around to the far door and pulled it open just as Geo was leaning his body against it, nearly causing Geo to fall out onto the street.  Hearty laughter ensued!! 

For two of us, anyway.

I captured this Kodak moment for you, dear readers. Don't thank me.

So that's the recap of our visit to Martha Stewart's studio, Part II.  Hope you enjoyed it kidz...see you tomorrow.

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