Wednesday, January 13, 2010


Today's post contains random thoughts about a variety of topics. I'm taking a day off from the hard-hitting investigative journalism that leads me to places such as the Pinewood Derby, Martha Stewart's audience, Target and Wegmans. It's hell out there, and I need a break once in a while.

I recently surfed around the blogosphere at to check out some of the other offerings. There are a number of great blogs out there, really.  But also some very hot-and-steamy piles.

It's amazing to see what people think is blog-worthy.  Stuff like a review of Yama and the story of my flat tire are without a doubt blog-worthy, but some of this other crap?  Puuuuulease.   

And yet, some of the worst blogs have a huge number of "followers." One had over 2,500. Another, almost 5,000.

 What's a "follower" you ask? You can become one by clicking on the "Follow" button over to the right (it's always better to do something and then learn the consequences later...)  It's situated just above the photos (and dark boxes) of the 11 people who are currently "following" The LG Report.

 Here's a shout out to followers Leslie, Jessica, Maureen, Pete, Dennis a/k/a "Gusty," Pat, "Larry," Paulie, Chris, Tim and Al.  Thanks much, it's appreciated.

 So what does "following" get you? Well every time a new blog posting goes up, I come to your house between 1 am and 3 am (your local time) and knock on your bedroom window to let you know that there's a new The LG Report to read. As custom has it, you're then obligated to get out of bed and make me a hot chocolate (with milk of course, I won't tolerate the water variety) before you settle in at your computer to read the new posting. 

While you do this, I'll sit at your kitchen table and comment loudly on whatever strikes me as interesting in your local paper.  I may also make obscene drawings and stick them to your refrigerator, down at kid's eye level.  Parents are very rarely the first to notice these.  It's a riot.

That's it, pretty simple, huh?

OK, that's not exactly right.  You probably guessed that because you're pretty sharp if you read The LG Report.  In reality, after you become a follower you will see a link to any new postings when you sign onto your Google account.  I think you can be a follower without a Google account, but I'm not 100% sure since I didn't try to follow myself.  We all know what that would be akin to. I hear you'll go blind and grow hair on your palms if you follow yourself.  I hope I typed that correctly, I'm having trouble seeing the keyboard.

Basically, becoming a follower is just a show of support for the blog.  It will, however, get you invited to the lavish party that I'll throw to thank all of my followers when I hit the Blogger Big Time. You'll sip Dom and nibble on Deadliest Catch crab legs. Don't worry about all the men who died, or were seriously injured, so that you could enjoy those tasty crab legs in your Members Only smoking jacket. You'll still be OK in my book.

So please follow if you are so inclined. Have you ever heard the quote: "Sometimes, to follow is to lead"?  Probably not, since I just made it up. Sounds good though, doesn't it? Please don't make me beg.

Also, if you have a Facebook page (I don't), please consider posting a link to The LG Report on it.

Speaking of growing the blog's click-base, The LG Report's outside PR firm devised a plan to increase readership.  They want me to get photos of celebrities holding up signs promoting The LG Report.  Celebrity endorsements really sell, so they say.  Here's the first one, this is Jim Brown:

Sports fans may notice that this is not Jim Brown, the former Cleveland Browns great.  Nor is it James Brown the singer.  Nor is it James Brown the sportscaster. 

No, my friends, this is Jim Brown, Esq., a partner in the Philadelphia law firm of Margolis, Edelstein.  Jim is very famous in Philadelphia legal circles, trust me.  He is a borderline Big Time celebrity and, alas, the best that The LG Report could do for its inaugural celebrity endorsement effort. 

Cut us a little slack here.  He's holding the sign nicely though, and looks genuinely happy with The LG Report.  And that's his real hair, I'm sure (if he were going to wear a rug, it would be more presentable than that.)

Jim was kind enough to take my cousin Jimmy (it was a JimFest) to lunch today, and they invited me along (or did I invite myself?  I can't remember now...)  Here is my unbiased assessment of Margolis, Edelstein as a law firm:

Appetizer: I got the seaweed salad.  It was pretty good.  I'd hire Margolis to handle my routine insurance defense work, they're competent.

Main Course: A variety of sushi graced my plate (no, not Yama, sorry, I didn't pick the place) and it was very fresh, nicely prepared and attractively presented.  Overall, a solid meal (but, again, no Yama.)  I was beginning to feel that the Margolis firm could handle even more complex litigation, and possibly even become your national litigation coordinating counsel.

Dessert: I had the green tea ice cream.  It was very creamy and smooth, great infusion of flavor.  Very nice compliment to the meal.  At this point, I was thinking that the Margolis Edelstein firm should probably also handle all of your internal corporate securities work, your employment matters and any other sundry legal work that you need excellent lawyers overseeing.

Aperitif: The ouzo was top shelf (very few sushi houses have it) and it reminded me of my days in Greece.  Come to think of it, Margolis Edelstein is a truly magnificent firm, their lawyers practically wrote all the laws themselves, and you should use it for every matter you have, business or personal! 

I should point out that Andy Davitt, of the Philadelphia law firm of Marshall, Dennehy, Coleman, Warner & Goggin, gets me some great Villanova basketball tickets and, thus, he and his firm are also qualified to do any type of legal work, period.  They are good.  And their tickets are getting closer to the court, which makes them a more skilled law firm with each passing year.

[Note to other law firms: I am available for lunches, dinners, college basketball games, golf, other sporting events....just give me a ring.] 

In the interest of full disclosure, I should say that besides this nice lunch, which clearly had no effect on my opinion of the firm, Margolis Edelstein also gave me this impressive pen:

The nut behind the pen was not a gift from Margolis, nor a subliminal commentary on the mental state of their attorneys; but, rather, it was the only thing I had handy to keep the pen balanced so that the firm name would show.

This is an excellent pen.  But the sushi was better. 

 Keep an eye out for my new book "How To Turn Your Blog Into Meals."  It'll be available soon (although you probably get the gist of it already...) 

An exceptional site for political satire, both in writing and video, is  It's run by two guys with a terrific sense of humor, and they have some ingenious features, including the Islamic Rage Boy (tm).   I'd urge you to check it out when you get a chance.  It has a much more professional look than The LG Report and is quite pleasing to the eye.  It also has many more readers, so you know it's good.  Definitely worth your time.  It has The LG Report Seal of Approval.   

I met two friends of mine for a drink last night near Times Square before dinner. They were afraid that I'd put their photo on my blog and say derogatory or demeaning things about them. Of course, I won't. Here they are:

On the left is Amadeo. He works for a big-time investment fund. Ever hear of Goldman Sachs? He has too, but, unfortunately, that's not who he works for. Not by a long shot.

Ama (as we call him) was afraid that if I mentioned his employer on my blog, it might be considered a solicitation for investors, in which case he'd have to fill out forms and report it to the SEC.  Lots of headaches. So I won't mention it.  Plus, if you're reading my blog, I like you, and don't want you to lose your money. The minimum investment in Ama's fund is $250,000 or $1 million, depending upon how he sizes you up and how he feels at any given moment.  I think he looks at your shoes for the first sign.  Ama must be doing well, however, since he lives in Connecticut. Well excuse me!

Seriously though, Ama is a terrific guy and his investment fund was up something like 80% in 2009.  A shout out to his wonderful wife LL. 

On the right is Neil, who also didn't want to be pictured on my blog, for indeterminate reasons. Neil is a highly talented and successful insurance broker (I won't tell you that he works at Lockton in Atlanta because his competitors will be mad, but he did buy me a drink...) Neil has a big house, a beautiful wife, three great sons and a fancy country club membership.  He's originally from New Jersey, like me. If he were a Connecticut native, I'd tell you to watch out for him.

Both Ama and Neil have last names, but I won't say them because they also both have lawyers.  These boys are both proud graduates of Gettysburg College, a very fine institution of higher learning, where they were classmates with Carson Kressley of "Queer Eye for a Straight Guy" fame. Rumor is that Carson used to beat them up and take their beer money, but we have no proof.

See guys, that wasn't so bad.

Here are some random thought to close out this posting: 

  • If you put a gum wrapper or other trash into a soda can or bottle, does that ruin the container for recycling purposes?  If you know the answer, please comment;
  • Where do Richard Simmons and Dr. Phil get off giving dieting advice, they are both chubb-os themselves;
  • If someone uses the phrase "I consider (fill in name) to be my friend..." then you know those people aren't friends. If someone is your friend, you know it, you don't have to "consider" them as such;
  • Here's one of our first pieces of reader mail (honestly):
  • "Can I just say, that with all the crap I must read everyday, your crap is the most entertaining - thank you." - Anne, San Francisco   I'll take that as a compliment, so thank you, Anne (P.S. Notice how I protected her by withholding the last name?  If you send me compliments, I'll protect you too...)
  • I think Vince Vaughn is a good actor, but he plays the same character in every movie.  And I'd bet that character reflects his real personality; and
  • If you want a quick (but temporary) return to childhood innocence, eat some pudding.
 That's it for today kidz.....have a good one.

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