Monday, January 4, 2010

The LG Report Movie Review: "Up In The Air"

In case you live under the Rock of Gibralter, this movie stars George Clooney [of course, if you DO live under the Rock of Gibralter, you probably speak Spanish, so you should just move on to another blog written in your language. Adios amigo!] 

The names of Clooney's two female co-stars might as well be Vera Blah Blah and Anna Yada Yada.  If you really care, look them up yourself, you have an internet connection.

Sorry about that.  

If a woman were writing this review, here's how it would read: "Drool drool drool, slobber slobber slobber, fawn fawn fawn, swoon swoon swoon, Clooney hot hot hot...great movie!"

Luckily for you, an objective male is at the keyboard.  However, in the interest of full disclosure, and in keeping with the highest ethical standards of journalism, to which The LG Report (LGR) subscribes (although our subscription runs out soon...), I must let you know that I am frequently mistaken for George Clooney. 

I look just like the guy. 

Because of this strong physical resemblence, people may suspect that I have a subconscious sympathy for Mr. Clooney and his films.  Some may think that I "relate" to George Clooney.  I assure you that I don't.  Our twin-like appearance is something that I do not let seep into my unbiased judgments -- ever.  Here's a publicity photo of George Clooney from "Up In The Air"  that was sent to The LG Movie Report last week:

In "Up In The Air" Clooney plays a corporate hatchet man named Ryan Bingham.  He flies around the country as an outside consultant whose job it is to tell people that they're being fired.  As you can see from the photo on the left,  Clooney had to wear a jacket and tie for this role. Ryan Bingham enjoys racking up frequent flyer miles and receiving the perks that go with elite traveler status, all the while living in an emotional vaccuum.  I'm sure many of you men out there can relate whether you travel a lot or not.  Just the way it is... 

This space intentionally left blank.

To the right is a picture of me that was taken for People Magazine's annual "Sexiest Man Alive" issue.  They were planning to use a black-and-white theme that year, but abandoned it at the last minute.  I must admit, I'm getting a bit long-in-the-tooth, this photo dates all the way back to 2007 (shhh!) 

Ultimately, as you may remember, People Magazine chose Matt Damon as its "Sexiest Man" in 2007 (this proves that I'm telling the truth, how else would I know? I don't use Google...)  But I don't begrudge Matt, he's a nice guy and we shared a few vegetarian non-fat low-carbon-emissions soy lattes together between photo shoots.  The striking similarities between me and Mr. Clooney are obvious.  If you don't agree, please adjust the pixel count and HDL-45x ratio of your monitor.  The fault lies on your end, not mine (a frequent theme of mine...)  

When I lived in Hollywood and wrote for Variety, I would receive George Clooney's dry cleaning in error fairly frequently because the deliveryman couldn't read.  He made his deliveries according to his memor of facial features. George and I would always have a good laugh about it down at the free-range macrobiotic vegan bagel shop.

Now that you know of my connection to Mr. Clooney, but also of my avowed impartiality, I'll say that I  thought that "Up In The Air" was a good movie.  It wasn't chock full o' the same kind of knee-slapping laughs as "It's Complicated," but it did contain a good bit of humor, as well as a few deeper emotional themes, which I won't get into here.  I think The Academy will like this one, wouldn't be surprised it it takes Best Film.  If George can't make the awards ceremony, he'll probably ask me to stand in for him...  

The LG Movie Report's rating of "Up In The Air" (on the traditional LGMR Scale of 1 to 103) is 81.6.

The LGR Beef of the Moment:  I have had, for a l-o-n-g time, a BIG beef with annoying movie theatres softdrink size labels.  Until now, I had no significant outlet for this beef, but today I have a blog. 

So here's the beef: Many movie theatres try to subconsciously influence your decision on a soft drink purchase by labelling the sizes as "Large," "Medium" and "Child's."   The "Large" will cost you about $4.50 and contain 50 ounces of soda.  That's enough to swim in or use to wash your car (if it wasn't so corrosive; we put into our stomachs what we wouldn't put on our cars but that's another blog/beef) (and yes, I do drink soda, this is a glass house from which I'm typing...)  The "Medium" will be $4.25 and holds about 48 ounces. Then comes the mere "Child's" size, which gives you 45 ounces for $4.00.  If my exact sizes and prices are wrong it doesn't matter; two things are always true: 

1.) The largest size is so minimally more expensive that everyone ends up ordering it because you feel like you're wasting money if you don't; and

2.) The "Child's" sized soda contains way more than a normal mortal would be able to drink in one sitting, yet the theatre wants to make you feel like a "child" for ordering it!  Since they did it for steroids in baseball, I would hope that Congress will hold hearings on this egregious wrong.  Bring in that b*astard who came up with the "Child's" drink size designation and fry him in public!  Or, better yet, make him ingest a "Child's Size" portion of liquid poison, that shouldn't kill him if it's truly "Child's Size."

Ok, off the beef now and back to the movie review. I've seen two films in two days and here's my bottom line:

"It's Complicated" is your movie if you want an all-out romantic comedy with plenty of laughs.

"Up In The Air" should be your pick if you want Clooney with some laughs, but also some serious undertones.

Either way, I predict that you will emerge from the theatre satisfied.  While you may have been up in the air about which movie to choose, you'll realize that it's really not complicated, it only requires a "Child's Size" bit of intelligence.   Enjoy!

No comments:

Post a Comment

The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!